It's a Sock-tastrophe!

I think it's fair to tell you that I am, by no means, a morning person. I'm the exact opposite of a morning person. I'm the one that purposely sets my alarm for 45 minutes before I need to wake up, sets a second alarm for 20 minutes before I need to wake up, and then continues to hit snooze until, yes I do actually need to get out of bed. And then I lay there. I stare at the screen on my phone, using my fake time-manipulation powers to will the clock to go back about an hour so I can sleep longer. It never works and so I get up. (Stupid fake powers.)

I'm great about getting the kids up on time, if by great you mean I open their doors and say "get up". Sure, I wish I could be one of those awesome moms that goes in their rooms and does all kinds of cute, sweet stuff to wake them up nice and slowly. That's not me though. No one is functioning enough for that crap.

This morning though. Oh, this morning was really bad. Two weeks on an air mattress and my mornings are becoming gradually more sluggish day by day. I got the kids up, made them the greatest cereal breakfast ever, and then sat down. Huge mistake. I had to physically force myself to stay awake. I was just sitting there like "ok, don't fall asleep. Seriously. Stop it. You can't go back to sleep. They have to go to school. OMG! You just nodded off! Get up now before you fall asleep and no one goes to school and they're all stuck at home with you!" I was a mess. Eyes half-open, feet barely leaving the ground when I walked. An absolute mess.

So when my youngest came running into the living room and threw herself at me, headbutting me in the stomach, I was not prepared. She was in complete panic mode - her minion socks were missing. There were tears, and super-fast talking in a language that didn't sound like English, and arms waving everywhere. Shit just got real.

We argued about these socks for 10 minutes. Ten. And she swore up and down that she left them on the table, and now they're gone, and her crossing her heart that "oh yes, mama they did grow legs and walk off because I put them right here. I just know it." And then her getting mad at me because I was still not awake and was not giving the missing sock catastrophe the correct amount of attention. Because that's how I need to start my morning - arguing about missing socks that grew legs and walked off. And the fact that I, as her mother, have failed her and will be adding to her therapy bills later in life by not freaking out about these missing socks.

She took matters into her own hands.

"Missing minion socks. If found please return to ME for a fist bump, or a hug!"

She hung these in the house so everyone knew about the tragedy of her minion socks having run away. (Why didn't I think of that?)

I'll go ahead and let you know that I eventually did find the socks and they were not anywhere near that table at all. They were in the bathroom sink. Because that's where we keep our socks now apparently. And when I picked her up after school with the wonderful news that she could call off the manhunt on her socks, she wasn't even excited. Nope, not a tiny bit. I found them in the coloring bin 30 minutes later.

So now when she freaks out again tomorrow about the minion socks and how they have run off to live with unicorns and fairies in some unknown land, I'll know where they are. And I even changed my phone screen to a note reminding me so that when I stare it for an unmentionable amount of time tomorrow morning, I'll remember too.